i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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