It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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