my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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