im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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