Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
