He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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