He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Someone came in the potted fern
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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