Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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