dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
