It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am naked and annoyed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
