I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
