If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
