I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
