Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
