on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
