Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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