He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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