first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
