hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
