HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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