Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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  (410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t
  Replies (70) Good night (39897) Bad night (1717)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?

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  (740): how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian? http://tfl.nu/pz5v
  Replies (94) Good night (4527) Bad night (1369)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

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  (410): He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/qo51
  Replies (16) Good night (1179) Bad night (4961)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.

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  (604): Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better. http://tfl.nu/c4mu
  Replies (64) Good night (899) Bad night (6874)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

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  (818): Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful. http://tfl.nu/9blw
  Replies (15) Good night (2277) Bad night (4691)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

  (315): View more from New York

  AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

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  (315): MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!! (315): AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/witt
  Replies (16) Good night (6054) Bad night (1448)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.

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  (210): The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him. http://tfl.nu/79ut
  Replies (9) Good night (4941) Bad night (1173)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?

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  (617): did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant? http://tfl.nu/svwz
  Replies (8) Good night (1978) Bad night (972)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.

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  (704): My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search. http://tfl.nu/gxvg
  Replies (2) Good night (614) Bad night (2036)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.

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  (814): My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order. http://tfl.nu/pxpo
  Replies (21) Good night (2649) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night

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  (352): Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night http://tfl.nu/ez8j
  Replies (15) Good night (658) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.

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  (319): "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits. http://tfl.nu/zmtn
  Replies (12) Good night (479) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.

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  (517): She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off. http://tfl.nu/rnkc
  Replies (1) Good night (341) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?

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  (816): so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet? http://tfl.nu/ne2f
  Replies (2) Good night (535) Bad night (241)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  third nipple confirmed

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  (952): third nipple confirmed http://tfl.nu/yb8m
  Replies (9) Good night (283) Bad night (609)

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