just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.