This is not my ceiling
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad