So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude