When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
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How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.