John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
