we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
