I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
