saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
