I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
