I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
