You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
