I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
