Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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