i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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