Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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