Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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