why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it's like iHOP with fire
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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