someone threw a dead crab at me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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