I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have already put on my inside pants.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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