your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
