also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
