I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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