i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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