Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
