weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
