grandma shit on top of the toilet
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
