I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
