ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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