i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
