I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
