i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
