I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
