It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
