Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
