Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
