Did you just see the Batmobile???
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I need a beard to bite.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
