with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
