Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
