He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
