I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
