Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
