Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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