Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
