SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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