Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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