R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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