His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.