I got chris browned last night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.