Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.

(415): View more from California

be there in 3 mins

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(386): View more from Florida

totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."

(1-480): View more from Arizona

SHUT IT DOWN.

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(716): View more from New York

God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(910): View more from North Carolina

And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.

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(613): View more from Ontario

so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.

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(+36): View more from

You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.

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