Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...

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  (817): I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working... http://tfl.nu/rly7
  Replies (20) Good night (1180) Bad night (3341)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.

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  (502): She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her. http://tfl.nu/ymnu
  Replies (36) Good night (4697) Bad night (963)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.

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  (706): Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze. http://tfl.nu/gtjj
  Replies (9) Good night (5253) Bad night (1001)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.

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  (703): Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea. http://tfl.nu/zyyz
  Replies (17) Good night (851) Bad night (3274)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.

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  (919): Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician (919): 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician. http://tfl.nu/iajm
  Replies (10) Good night (2188) Bad night (679)
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  (707): View more from California

  she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute

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  (707): she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute http://tfl.nu/emog
  Replies (3) Good night (1291) Bad night (707)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?

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  (903): We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer? http://tfl.nu/09oa
  Replies (2) Good night (1371) Bad night (627)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.

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  (503): Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home. http://tfl.nu/ow7v
  Replies (6) Good night (3373) Bad night (624)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.

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  (+61): Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you. http://tfl.nu/q4u2
  Replies (13) Good night (2136) Bad night (581)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up

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  (814): Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up http://tfl.nu/ova6
  Replies (3) Good night (462) Bad night (1407)
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  (949): View more from California

  That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it

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  (949): That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it http://tfl.nu/rt9p
  Replies (7) Good night (1330) Bad night (556)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT

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  (972): Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT http://tfl.nu/8ret
  Replies (4) Good night (1482) Bad night (390)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?

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  (516): Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep? http://tfl.nu/76br
  Replies (7) Good night (967) Bad night (311)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.

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  (703): I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat. http://tfl.nu/wce9
  Replies (1) Good night (233) Bad night (369)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.

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  (724): Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint. http://tfl.nu/2vjk
  Replies (3) Good night (458) Bad night (182)

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