last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
