I'm really into asian looking animals
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.