i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had to cum in my sink.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
