who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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