so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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