I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
