He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
