we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My vagina is very pro this idea
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
