I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
