How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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