I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
