do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
