why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
