if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
