This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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