Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was like eating out sand paper
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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