I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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