Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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