Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
