So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
