Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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