At least make sure they are 18
Why
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
