Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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