just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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