I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
